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:iconsliverofciel: More from sliverofciel


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Poetry by BonesBleachedBare

Writing by Azunara

Poetry by crimsonsable


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Submitted on
December 29, 2011
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Someone told me that the balled-up almost was growing inside her like
a sapling, that soon the girl would be all swell and wet.  What she said
was, "don't leave". Her ego was a white sheet caught on a branch, the
type of fabric my mother treated with contempt. Frippery, beautiful
but impractical: keeping it alive was like trying to catch a bubble with
dry hands.

The wind carried the sickly smell of opium and morning sickness,
signals of a spring in which fingers like white spiders cradled
the beginning of bloom. Hope seemed at once skin-near and star-far.

What I offered her was not a marriage proposal, it was a murder
of crows slipping across the sheet of day. Union makes for ardour
and sweat. We were trying to build a body bereft of bones, with
phrases shaped like small sharp pins, like dove-fletched
arrows, like abandoned gods—relatively, you're
beautiful
and there are always greater pains.

I assembled cribs, prayed to the god of broken things.
The future became a definite rounding.
;
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-04-10
~sliverofciel's Romancing Cotton is a contemplative look into the mindset of a parent to be. ( Suggested by LiliWrites and Featured by wreckling )
:iconhawa777:
hawa777 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I hardly understand it but it is really a work of art!
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconapplebananafruitcake:
Applebananafruitcake Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012   Artist
beautiful....absolutely beautiful.
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:icondeadlovecalling:
DeadloveCalling Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Writer
What a lovely, gorgeous piece <3
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:iconlfbeta16:
LFBeta16 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012   General Artist
I saw this and I wanted to read it. It's very interesting and catching. :D
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:iconechosblade:
EchosBlade Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
To be honest, I'm not sure exactly what I like about this piece, but it just drew me in...so maybe all of it?
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:iconlookshylily:
LookshyLily Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Artist
I like it! I really do! I read it several times before posting anything, because it's a lovely piece of work.

That said, though, I agree with some of the previous comments about line breaks. There are some that score major points. I think that we can all agree that the "murder | of crows" break is the most powerful in the poem. But I think that the earlier ones of "Frippery, beautiful | but impractical" and "cradled | the beginning" are a nice contrast with their delicate nature. The other breaks... they seem a bit forced, and they break the poem in a way that feels odd. However, if the point was to make the reader uncomfortable, they serve their purpose.

I agree, also, with the earlier assessment of the god references. Both are strong on their own, and throwing the other in does rather weaken the impression each one gives. If I were to cut one, I would have to say replace the abandoned gods with something else. The last two lines are very compelling, and I would hate to see you lose that power, that strength, and end with the rounding making a flop. As for your other word choices, very well done! It certainly does make one think, and brings up societal issues with loads of questions (and some loaded questions). Since that's what I've always felt art is meant to do, this poem is certainly a success!
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:iconarchelyxs:
archelyxs Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012
Congrats on another DD, love.
Much deserved. :heart:
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:iconjohanna-121:
jOhanna-121 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012
A story called Shadow Hills has an AI girl character who might speak poetry this way. She is just a ghost of a mind, and she so wishes to become human.
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:iconsaartha:
saartha Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Though I agree with *Obsidian-Nightfall on some line breaks, the 'it was a murder/of crows' line break was kind of breathtaking.

Not a fan of mentioning abandoned gods, and then the god of broken things. I think having only one or the other would be more powerful.

In other news, 'the girl would be all swell and wet' is my new favorite line of the week.
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